Where are you now?

I'm constantly questioning everything, doubting everything, over thinking everything. I have the worst anxiety over the next 4 weeks and what will happen. I'm worried that if I don't go to Vegas I'm making a mistake, I'm that if I stay here I'm making a mistake. I feel like if I don't go I will never find a way to pay for grad school, I'll never take a GRE course, and write the novel I have to to apply to grad school and that I'll never get in. I'm afraid that if I leave and do have all the time to do those things, I still wont do it. I know its all about be a self starter and sometimes I try to be a started lately but I'll have been falling through with it instead of following through with it. Thats always in my head it never leaves and it is very discouraging. But today I asked for from a guy I met through my internship and he was more than willing to help me with my paper. It wasn't event that I thought oh wow what a great guy, it was more about I'm so lucky I met him through the internship. Lately I feel like I have been working really hard and I have always liked to believe hard work pays off. However I look at my moms situation, she has worked at this job for 7 years and all the hard work, the crap she has put up with may be for nothing because even though she has been doing this type of job for 30+ years if she loses her job she may not be able to find a new one. All the hard work over the years will be for nothing. I mean maybe she could have worked harder? Is that the lesson I'm suppose to take away from this? What I meant by this is that it is also discouraging. What if I work this hard and its all for nothing, all I get from it all is a piece of paper that says I was in college, or a letter of recommendation to no one because I have no where else to go or a broken down car and no money? I know its a risk that I'm taking...I mean I guess you can look at it that way just like my decision about LA or LV. I just don't know at this point which is the bigger risk. I love my life here, well it has its ups and downs, but at the same time I think I might need change. Southern California is the only thing I know, which means the only people who can really relate to anything I write is people from Southern California. I want more life experience, but I know if I stay I'll get writing experience which is another thing I want. Ultimately I understand that this is my choice and no one can tell me what to do but sometimes I just need a little direction or a sign. I guess we will see what happens. Waiting is all I can do.