I don't know where I'm going, but I'm going. Are you coming with me?

I don't think I've ever been this lost. I have no drive, focus or ambition sometimes. I don't know where I'm going or where to go, where to live, where to work, what to do when I graduate. I feel like I have all this life changing decisions to make and I'm too scared to make them. I know its okay to be scared as long as you don't let it change you, but I'm not entirely sure who I am or who I want to be. I know I love writing and I would succumb to as much disappointment, heartbreak and criticism as it took to become a successful writer, but then there is the whole issue of choices. Plath wrote about how the fig tree represented all the different choices in her life that she can make, she sat beneath the tree staring at all the choices in front of her. Can we really do it all? Because lately I've been criticized for wanting it all. I don't want to have to make a choice between doing what I love or making money. Being a struggling writer or having a family. Doing as many things and learning as many things as I want or staying focused on ONLY writing. Well listen to me, you people who think I'm lost, who think I'm giving up, who think they know what I'm doing before I even know. I WANT this. I want to learn about fashion, about music, about the business side of things. I want to learn about screenwriting, even though I want to write novels, I want to learn about film, movies and television even though I want to be a writer. Why do you think I have to make a choice NOW? Let me try it all out, let me do all the things I want. Yes, I will make mistakes, and I will be poor sometimes, and I will leave family occasionally and I will be alone. But I just see those all as experiences AND EXPERIENCES THAT I CAN WRITE ABOUT. I wont let anyone make me feel bad for the way I feel. Yes I'm confused, but guess what I'm 21 and hopefully I've only lived about a quarter of my life. Things for me could be a lot worse. I've got a bachelors degree and I'm 21 years old. What about you? Oh yea you make a bunch of money or you are already on a career path, whatever good for you, but I'm going to make my own path, I'm not going to do things traditionally and I'm going to do it the way that makes me most comfortable. I don't feel comfortable putting myself into $100,000 debt for school when there is no guarantee that I'll get a job out of it. I think its stupid. Some people may think its the only way to go, but guess what all those people who are just finishing undergrad who have no job but $75,000 in debt and have no way of paying it, guess what I did my undergrad the way I want. I didn't choose the best school I could go to, instead I chose the school that wouldn't put me in debt when I was finished. So I'm lost, but at least I only owe $6,000. I'm going to do things my way end of story, and if you don't like it you can tell me "I told you so" every time I fail, but that wont ever stop me. I may fail a thousand times but I will never give up on my dreams and I will do everything I want. I don't want to just sit at home and daydream and write (don't get me wrong I do want to do that but not just that) I will DO anything I want and then I will take those experiences and I'll write about them.