All weekend has been a struggle. I'm sick and I don't know whats wrong, Josh just got his wisdom teeth and turning his pain into anger which is directed at me. Luckily every time we fought we made up within the hour. We still fight about the same things but at least the fights are getting shorter.
Instead of spending the whole weekend raging in Vegas with my sorawrity sisters and famous DJ's I spent it on a "tour" van with 6 boys and a little puppy named 'aye' like when you yell aye get over here or 'A' the letter in the alphabet. I will begin with A because she is my favorite part about Saturday. She is a half maltese and half teacup poodle. Just like my puppy twinky but smaller!! She would walk from the front of the van all the way four rows back to the end of the van. The boys in the van include Christian the singer of JMSN (pronounced Jameson) Adam the tour manager Demigod the guitarist (I believe his name was John) Chris the drummer, There were two Tims neither played for the group, C-Bass and Josh the last three being the boys I live with...kinda live with?
So we went to the show he sang R&B and it was great. I fell asleep in the van while waiting for everyone to go. I fell asleep in the van on the way home. More boys said I was a great girl friend (as if we ever questioned that) and that was that. Sunday I went home crafted some awesome things for my boo, continuing my awesomeness and Monday I saw my brother Kevin he made fun of me for living with a 'rock star' (he said this condescendingly) Went back to Hollywood, went to a BBQ at the Rubix apartments, Saw Terrell Owens. Apparently Josh's Aunt used to hook with him...along with 7 other girls and he did her dirty, just like the rest. Boys can suck.
I always feel like I'm part of this dichotomy two forces fighting against each other though. Before I was in this world struggling to divine where I was between the rich and poor. I didn't know where I lied and thats still a problem but now its taken on a new face, the struggling artist and the professional world. Having graduated and realized I spent maybe 1% of my days in college being creative I've joined to work force. Doing a job I believe is short term and will only last a year. I want to support my relationship with Josh because I don't think we'll thrive if we continue to live on the floor of an apartment with 2-5 other people (depending on the night). I want us to have our own place where we can be us an where we can create. Its too hard for either of us to be creative when there isn't even a place to sit or have a minute alone. But part of me is afraid this will become my life. I don't want this life and I try to pretend its not real and that I'm just playing dress up every day as I go into my big law firm with crazy security and nearly impossible to get into. I just don't want it to be forever. This job is the exact opposite of creative. They tell me what to wear what color my hair should be, I have to wear makeup and had to take out my nose ring. It's stiffling but at the same time I have all this time to write. I don't like writing when the atmosphere isn't perfect but beggars can't be choosers right?
So maybe this time next year I'll have written my first novel, be applying to graduate schools and Josh will start touring. That's my goal, my hope and dream for next year. I don't need it to be a fairy tale ending I just need it to start.
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